These Jokes and Cartoons have been sent to us by our clients who thought they portray our local technician really well. Thank you for these, you are all very correct :) Thank you also to the writer Illiad.
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Technician: Good Morning you have reached Technical Support, how may I help you?
Client: My computer is telling me to "Press any key". I can not find the Any key, where is it please?
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Technician: Good Morning you have reached Technical Support, how may I help you?
Client: My mouse is hard to control with the dust cover on, should I take it off?
Technician: What dust cover?
Client: This plastic one that the mouse came in. It was free.
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Customer: The sound card you sold me is defective and I want a new one.
Tech Support: What seems to be the problem?
Customer: The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!
Tech Support: You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa.
Customer: (sputter) (click)
Tech Support: (snicker)
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Customer: I have a very big problem. If you do not help me right now I will return the computer.
Tech Support: Well sir, what can I do for you?
Customer: "Well, I just got my system today, and my friend installed a screen saver, and it comes up fine, but every time I move my mouse it goes away."
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Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the open desktop.
Customer: OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done until this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'. You asked me to write 'click' again. So I wrote 'click' again.
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Tech Support: OK, now right click.
Customer: Which one is that?
Tech Support: On the right side of mouse.
Customer: I am left handed.
Tech Support: OK, well, look at the mouse and click whichever button you normally do not click on.
Customer: That is the left for me.
Tech Support: OK, click that.
Customer: With which hand?
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Customer: My printer will not work.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
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Client: I can not install my software. I put in the first floppy disk, and that was ok. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk I just could not.
Tech Support: What was the error message madam?
Client: There was no error message, it would not fit with the other 2 disks, the floppy drive is not big enough.
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Tech Support: Hello how can I help you?
Customer: My new computer does not go. I have unpacked it and plugged it in and I have waited 20 minutes but there is nothing on the screen
Tech Support: What happens when you press the Power Switch?
Customer: What Power Switch?
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Customer: I would like a mouse pad, please.
Salesperson: Certainly sir, we have a large variety with different shapes and colours.
Customer: But will they be compatible with my computer?
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Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: My new computer will not go, I want a replacement.
Tech Support: What happens when you press the Power Button?
Customer: I push and push on this foot pedal and nothing happens.
Tech Support: What foot pedal?
Customer: The foot pedal with the two buttons either side.
.
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Client: My printer will not work. My computer is saying it can not find my printer.
Tech Support: What have you done so far to try and fix it?
Client: I turned the monitor to face the printer but my computer still says it can not see it.
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Tech Support: OK, now click your left mouse button.
Customer: (silence) But I only have one mouse.
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Tech Support: Tell me, is the cursor still there?
Customer: No, I am alone right now.
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Tech Support: Please put your CD back in the drive and close the door.
Client: Hang on, I will have to put the phone down, the door is on the other side of the room.
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Customer: I can not log in. It will not accept my user name or password and says Access Denied. You have set it up wrong.
Tech Support: Ok, lets try once more, but make sure you are using lower case keys.
Customer: But I only have capital letters on my keyboard.
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Client: My keyboard is faulty, I can not type the dot over dot thingy.
Tech Support: What do you get when you try?
Client: I get the dot over the comma thingy. I am pressing very carefully on the top of the key but I still get the dot over the comma thingy.
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Client: My Keyboard will not work.
Tech Support: Turn off your computer and unplug it, then plug it back in again. Then restart your computer.
Client: I have done all that as I washed it in hot soapy water after I soaked it for a day.
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