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Wairoa

These Jokes and Cartoons have been sent to us by our clients who thought they portray our local technician really well. Thank you for these, you are all very correct :) Thank you also to the writer Illiad.

Help Desk1 Help Desk2 Help Desk3 Help Desk4 Help Desk5

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Technician: Good Morning you have reached Technical Support, how may I help you?
Client: My computer is telling me to "Press any key". I can not find the Any key, where is it please?
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Technician: Good Morning you have reached Technical Support, how may I help you?
Client: My mouse is hard to control with the dust cover on, should I take it off?
Technician: What dust cover?
Client: This plastic one that the mouse came in. It was free.
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Customer: The sound card you sold me is defective and I want a new one.
Tech Support: What seems to be the problem? Customer: The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!
Tech Support: You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa.
Customer: (sputter) (click)
Tech Support: (snicker)
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Customer: I have a very big problem. If you do not help me right now I will return the computer.
Tech Support: Well sir, what can I do for you?
Customer: "Well, I just got my system today, and my friend installed a screen saver, and it comes up fine, but every time I move my mouse it goes away."
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Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the open desktop.
Customer: OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done until this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'. You asked me to write 'click' again. So I wrote 'click' again.
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Tech Support: OK, now right click.
Customer: Which one is that?
Tech Support: On the right side of mouse.
Customer: I am left handed.
Tech Support: OK, well, look at the mouse and click whichever button you normally do not click on.
Customer: That is the left for me.
Tech Support: OK, click that.
Customer: With which hand?
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Customer: My printer will not work.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
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Client: I can not install my software. I put in the first floppy disk, and that was ok. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk I just could not.
Tech Support: What was the error message madam?
Client: There was no error message, it would not fit with the other 2 disks, the floppy drive is not big enough.
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Tech Support: Hello how can I help you?
Customer: My new computer does not go. I have unpacked it and plugged it in and I have waited 20 minutes but there is nothing on the screen
Tech Support: What happens when you press the Power Switch?
Customer: What Power Switch?
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Customer: I would like a mouse pad, please.
Salesperson: Certainly sir, we have a large variety with different shapes and colours.
Customer: But will they be compatible with my computer?
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Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: My new computer will not go, I want a replacement.
Tech Support: What happens when you press the Power Button?
Customer: I push and push on this foot pedal and nothing happens.
Tech Support: What foot pedal?
Customer: The foot pedal with the two buttons either side.
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Client: My printer will not work. My computer is saying it can not find my printer.
Tech Support: What have you done so far to try and fix it?
Client: I turned the monitor to face the printer but my computer still says it can not see it.
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Tech Support: OK, now click your left mouse button.
Customer: (silence) But I only have one mouse.
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Tech Support: Tell me, is the cursor still there?
Customer: No, I am alone right now.
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Tech Support: Please put your CD back in the drive and close the door.
Client: Hang on, I will have to put the phone down, the door is on the other side of the room.
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Customer: I can not log in. It will not accept my user name or password and says Access Denied. You have set it up wrong.
Tech Support: Ok, lets try once more, but make sure you are using lower case keys.
Customer: But I only have capital letters on my keyboard.
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Client: My keyboard is faulty, I can not type the dot over dot thingy.
Tech Support: What do you get when you try?
Client: I get the dot over the comma thingy. I am pressing very carefully on the top of the key but I still get the dot over the comma thingy.
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Client: My Keyboard will not work.
Tech Support: Turn off your computer and unplug it, then plug it back in again. Then restart your computer.
Client: I have done all that as I washed it in hot soapy water after I soaked it for a day.
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